i've been searching the depths of my brain for material to write on this blank space for quite a bit now, due to the insistence of some of my friends because they "actually" do enjoy reading my blog entries.

aw shucks, thats bull.

KIDDING! i was honestly surprised when these number of people ( who are actually in different circles of friends ( whoah, i have THAT many friends? interesting. )) and they told me in separate occasions that they miss my blogs.

i'm gonna die now due to a chronic case of liver enlargement. ( in case you didn't get this, we have an expression here in cebu where we say "dako ang atay" which figuratively means "ego stroking" but literally means "liver got big" or something like that. but then i explained it too much now that its not funny anymore and its really annoying to explain a joke at full length so im just gonna stop now or else all of you are just gonna skip this part and press the x button at your upper right hand corner of your browser to escape this boring part of the blog and move on with your lives. )

that was a mouthful.

anyway yeah, i really appreciated them people who actually told me they read my blogs and all the angst-laced emo-ridden alcohol-induced rants that i did in the middle of the night.

and also for all the lurkers ( IF there are any ), i still do love you guys! keep on reading!

so yeah, i was really looking for stuff to write here tonight but i don't know if you'd like the usual stuff. i mean my life is pretty much a standstill right now, no big changes happened ( unless if you count the weight gain. ugh, gotta lay off the siomai ) and no notable events worth mentioning here in the blogs have occurred.

unless if you count that time when ( i think it was a couple of months ago, more like march ) i met this guy. OMG, here we go again, another one. before you roll your eyes on this one, just hear me out, ok?

it happened really fast. i met him through some site, and we exchanged witty messages with each other. and then eventually we decided to meet at some coffeeshop. you know, just to talk.

i was really conscious at that time because i think i wore the wrong shirt, i looked really ugly with the color ( im kinda moreno, and the polo was *shock* SKY BLUE. ) and i looked really haggard because i think on that day i only slept for 4 hours i think ( i blame Neil Gaiman for this ).

but then he came ( he was actually a bit late ) and then we talked and he was really nice. and he was cute too ( BIG emphasis on C-U-T-E ). we got on pretty well, i thought. and we talked for 3 hours before we decided to go home because we were really hungry then. i would have treated him to dinner but i didn't have enough cash then. but i promised him that we will see a movie, and he said yes.

now, at this point, i was wondering. he is really nice, yeah? and we had a good connection with the conversation, yeah? and now he said yes to the movie. so maybe this guy... is showing positive vibes, yeah?

we decided to see the movie a week after we met, so in between those dates, i did call him almost every night on his cel, and we talked. still, i felt that it was going the way as planned.

then the movie date happened. then i started feeling the negative vibe. you know, if you really like the guy and then the guy likes you back ( please feel free to assign the appropriate sex to make the situation as comprehensible to you as possible ) and you are watching the movie and its dark. of course you'd like to maybe pretend that you're sleepy and then lean on his shoulders and then look at him and make pa-cute an then he'd get the picture and then blah blah. ( no popcorn box jokes, please )

but how could i do the "lean and pa-cute" tactic when he is leaning the other way?

the movie was as cold as the stale popcorn i stepped on. and i even forgot what we watched.

anyway, to make the long story short (because gawd knows how long it has been for me to tell you this ONE story. ) i took him from ayala to country mall to get a jeep and then i went home. and when i got home i made a big boo-boo.

i told him i liked him.

after that conversation he wouldn't text me, and won't answer my calls.

so yeah. i was really confused because at this point i was still too dense not to read between the lines. ( which someone ELSE had the liberty of telling me them exact same words, just a different setting concerning him and a Doce mishap, which i'll tell you guys later. )

he told me then later after 2 days that he got sick ( DAW *rolls eyes heavenward* ) and he is going back to his hometown for a vacation. so we wont see each other till he comes back.

*sigh* how could i be so dumb? i mean, i knew from the start right then in the coffeeshop that he was waaaaaaaay out of my league.

hey, at least we got to go to a movie, right? and we talked for a considerable long time, right...? and we are still friends... right?

but still, it stings. it hurts. for someone to run out on you just because he didn't have the courage to turn you down honestly.

so like, after a month i think, i called him again. he told me he was still in his hometown doing some seminars to help him get a job abroad.

so i said "ok, good luck with your seminars. hey, coffee ha when you get back?"

"yeah sure, no problem."

and then i put the phone down, feeling a bit easier and lighter. at least he still talks to me.

then a couple of weeks later i saw him in ayala, with a skinny fag on fake lacoste.

so much for "seminars" huh?

i don't know why i'm still affected. loose ends do that to me.

if you don't want me. tell me dammit.

so i guess some things never change huh? assholes will be forever assholes. and losers like me will always lose.

and he greeted me on my birthday. and some birthday that was. stressed, tired, and when i got to Doce everyone was drunk and i didn't get any.

i'm starting to hate this year.

so yeah, you might be wondering why the title is Silver? 'coz i just turned 25.

now i feel like a kitchen utensil.

(this blog entry (along with this little brother and sister blogs) can also be viewed on my friendster page which can be found on this address: [link])